It is a privileged to be understood
Some times it isn't easy at all, even though you think that other understand you. But what do you do when you find out that they don't understand you at all? The absolute greatest experience is to come from the outside, and experience to be a part of the native's society. When you approach people, you have to take the initiative yourselves some times. It is the things you don't say that you regret the most. Look at it this way.
Just imagine yourself unhappy because for one split second, you hesitate and threw away the chance to start something. Your whole life is down the drain. For your whole life, you will be asking yourself "And what if..." "If only I had the guts to..." You will be so disappointed and feel miserable, as you will keep questioning yourself, thinking of things that might have been. I can clearly see myself in these situations, and now I try to be more conscious about this, and don't do the same mistakes.
Photo: Shaking hands with a bushman - meeting a person with an another culture background for the first time.
Meeting and contact for the first time
Bear in mind that people you visit never are really sure why you go there. Therefore is it important to talk to them, get to know them and what they are doing. When you get to know them better activities will start happening in a natural way. For the locals you can be both a potential friend, but also a potential enemy. Your success in the communications depends on your ability to meet people and relate to them on their own terms. It can take a time before you get accepted as their guest.
Make your intention clear to eliminate any suspicion. Many people have good reasons for being sceptical to outsider, for example people who appear to be missionaries, lumberjacks, gold diggers, oil drillers and other people with intentions not in the interests of the locals. Tell them that you like to know them better. Involving people in where you come from and what you are doing is a good idea. Locals may be interested in photos from your home place. Both children and adults will appreciate small gifts.
Since many often understand the value of money it is a better idea to take presents such as tobacco, cigarette papers, salt and simple toys for the children. Often I take a football with me (my favourite sport), and soon all the locals want to play with it. It is so great fun. The focus will change. Instead of looking at you as a stranger they will be busy with how they are going to play together with you. And then you can really experience that you are a part of them!
But the most important: by showing them that you are genuinely interested in them; your friendliness, sincerity and goodwill are the most precious gifts you can offer.
The White Man`s burden - bad behaviour reduce your opportunities
In some places I have been to, the natives are sceptical because visitors have created bad feelings. They have been clumsy and sometimes downright rude, especially people from the western part of the world. If you go to certain areas you cannot expect that everything is just the same as it is in your own country, like air condition, electricity, beer, Coca Cola, McDonalds Hamburgers, and so on. It is really what the famous explorer and author call the White Man's burden in his well-written poem. Then is probably better to stay at home.
I like to go to other places exactly because they are different, and I appreciate what I see and hear. I tell the local people that I am glad to be there. And so they will do the best they can for you, show you around to their "secret" beautiful places and involve you in their own daily activities.
Some tips about how you can be liked by others:
- Be genuinely interested in other people's customs and life.
- Use their names. It wills sound well in their ears.
- Be a good listener. Remember you have two ears. It is because you shall listen twice as much as you talk yourselves.
- Encourage other to talk about themselves
- Talk to other based on their premises.
- Get other to feel important, and do it honestly.
- Be friendly in any situation. Smile to the world and the world will smile to you.
It is said that nice and friendly people can walk everywhere. Will you be a friend of the world, a person who can walk straight in almost everywhere? I hope my reflections and advice can give you something to think about. Good luck, now it is up to you!!!
Stein Morten Lund, 8 July 2000
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